Skip to content

Practical Joke #1721 What To Do With An Old Wallet

June 22, 2014

 

BMW

Once when I cleaned out my old wallet, I made the mistake of sticking it in my back pocket as I had done 1000′s of times before. I had left the old business cards in it and went to the bathroom. When I came out I grabbed my new wallet, keys and phone and took off to the club putting my stuff in my jacket pocket as I ran out.
Quickly I realized my mistake while pumping gas and brushed it off. Toward the end of the night, I was feeling pretty ornery and a friend of mine named Chuck was parked next to me. I saw a lady put her purse on top of her car and knew exactly what to do with the wallet!!!
Running across the street to the convenience store, I bought a roll of clear tape and ran back like lightning! Chuck would be out any minute. I taped the wallet to the top of the trunk of his car with part of it able to flap with the business cards in it.
Now Chuck being Chuck, he was always hot-headed (probably from the steroids as he was a professional body builder)…he was ready to fight at a moment’s notice. So driving around the next day, people were trying to flag him down. He called me up saying he jumped out of his car at a six lane intersection, thinking this guy was talking crap in the car next to him. He was fuming then realized what all the honking was for. He immediately asked me if I knew anything about that wallet. I said, no Chuck not a thing! That must have been some sorry sucker at the bar last night, don’t you think? He never knew how sorry that sucker was! Yours truly LOL!

40 Facebook Posts from Stuart Steele

March 20, 2014

Some posts leave you with a thought, some with a smile, some are made with passion, and others inspire. Here are the last 40 specially written to friends by yours truly, Stuart Steele

40. How many times can we slice one thing up. into a 100 pieces? a 1000? 1,000,000…even further? The truth is from the point of 0 to 1 there can be infinity. Why do I bring this up? because it illustrates perspective. If a person looks at a problem they are having, often they see the infinity between their start and finish, while the people who do not have that problem see it as only a single “1″ problem. If you are zoning in on it, obsessing, worrying, lost…infinity IS what YOU see but other people can and will help you change your perspective if you ask. But, don’t just ask for help…ask for help with a specific problem in mind. Why? because, If you ask specific, detailed, questions you very often WILL get the answer you need… where as if you simply ask for help…You very often get the answers that people THINK you need. Just some thoughts for the day. Hope it’s a good one for you!! Take Care!

39. Abundance is one of the most illogical words in the English language. Why? because it literally means a large quantity of something but in order to get it in our lives we have to give, give, give. The less give the less of everything we have. It makes no sense…yet it does when thinking of it in this way…
If we don’t give time…who will give us theirs?
If we don’t give money…how will those around us prosper enough to bring it back in ways of opportunity?
If we don’t give love…why expect others to give it in return?
If there is something missing the way to get it is to give. It may take time…give it, it may take money…give it, and it may take a little love…give it. Never worry about getting it back it comes back around in some of the craziest ways!

38. Ever notice, when you have something on your mind, the ambiguity in EVERY word, or the funneling effect of everything around to EXACTLY that THING, that thought that is fixated, and just makes every other aspect of life a distraction until satisfied?

37. Yes Rena! I do have selective hearing but you also neglect the fact that I have selective interpretation at my disposal too! Pffft!!! Silly daughter.

36. It is always in those times that we are without the things we hide behind, at our least perfect, and our most vulnerable that we seek to be loved the deepest. Expectations are the limits that are the walls to be climbed. When we expect so much from ourselves we very often expect the reactions that are given from others.
In other words, it is often, our own perception or view that makes appreciation by others feel like its fake or they are just admiring the work done rather than the person that made it happen…our true self. Would they still appreciate what they see with nothing but the raw us? Such a vulnerable time that leaves everyone susceptible to rejection at the most personal level…our deepest depths. Yet isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that there ARE people in our world that do care? …come what may they WILL still be there. Simply the purest and most beautiful thought imaginable is the thought that… No matter what we are loved.

35. Rules and laws become invalid when common sense does not apply. Lately several such instances have come to my attention and it is funny to think that anyone would actually follow them in all their utter absurdity. Examples: Felony to own firearms that you already possess and legally bought (Connecticut Law), Not being allowed to contact parents if needed at school (Sand Springs, OK), Obamacare (REALLY?), U.S. trying to pass laws to tax the internet… These are actions that deserve blatant defiance and the will to resist. Idiots do not get to dictate the masses…don’t be a rule follower when common sense tells you different.

34. Me to my 8-year-old son Eli: Pfft! Do you even know what sarcasm is?
Eli: UUUMMM NO.
I think I’m in trouble! LOL!

33. Don’t be afraid to be honest…those that don’t like you can and will have a reason not to anyway. You might as well give them a good one. The truth may not make the most friends but it WILL make the right ones!

32. Sometimes we have friends that are so amazing that it is indescribable and attempts to share them with the world do not full do them justice, unless the world embraces them as fully as we have…all that we can do is be thankful for them because sometimes they are truly a Godsend. Thank you all.

31. Just a thought: If some people get you down because they don’t care about YOU, move on… that is simply a reality in this world that must be done but see it in this way…they are moving out-of-the-way and freeing up the time they normally take from you so it can be given to someone who WILL care. Time is one thing that we give that can never be taken back…

30. Lately things have seemed so close, yet so far, but I believe in the fact that there is a reason for everything.
For instance, this stagnant feeling period I’m experiencing allows me the time I need to heal before I take steps in any direction. If you are feeling the same, I encourage you to have patience and persevere. A little progress each day will take us all the way.

29. You should never want to be in someone else’s league in anything…be in a league of your own and you will draw crowds just to watch you play.

28.  A little improvement, no matter how small it may seem…every day, amounts to more than you ever thought possible in a year. It’s all about being constant and consistent and doing just a tiny bit more.

27. May this week slip by as though you were on a slip -N-slide…. only without the grass burn belly at the end!

26. Please remember as you go through this day… Your decisions effect you. When you make a negative decision you set your nervous system up for negative feelings, thoughts, and actions. When you make positive decisions you set your nervous system up for a better outlook, a better more optimistic feeling about overcoming adversity, and a better chance for healing properly and overcoming ANY situation. Remember what Ford said ‘if you think you can or think you can’t either way you’re right’ you decide how you receive information that comes to you… No one can take that from you. So take things with a positive optimistic spin! BE AND STAY POSITIVE!

25. Right now I sit here, wide awake, yet my arm’s asleep, but I wouldn’t move it for the world because this little boy of mine is sleeping sound and He’s growing so fast …I may never get this chance again!

24. I was MAD, frustrated beyond belief! I went to a Braum’s and they would not let me pay for a ice-cream that my daughter was getting at the same time I was paying for food, There wasn’t a clean seat in the place, the sweet tea gave me a quarter cup, and the box on the Dr. Pepper box blew while I was getting it for my daughter. All very frustrating to me!!!
BUT! As Serena and I were going home, We got a call. A customer found my wallet and the night manager went through a great deal of trouble but found my phone number!!!! I received my wallet with ALL of the money in it!!! It serves as a reminder that even good people can have bad days and I need to work on my temperament toward standards that I believe are only fair, right , and just. I should never be so quick to become frustrated over stuff like that. They may have been having a REEEEEally long day. No one’s perfect and we’re all just trying to live until we die! I will be working on this quite a bit more from now on.It is my hope that by passing this on to you that it may also help you from my lesson learned…there are great people still left in this world!

23. It is my one and only wish that you appreciate the love you have whether it is new, old, dying, or true. Show it tonight. Put aside any negativity, anger or resentment tonight and enjoy it.

22. Yesterday I saw an Elderly couple. The man was helping his woman up into a full-sized truck that was pretty tall. Yet , despite both of their frail appearances, the man’s obvious struggle to help his woman into the seat, and the challenging climb for her, he still reached down and patted her on the butt with a little impish grin! That was definitely the Good Stuff!

21. It occurred to me last night that due to absent-minded behavior on my part, I haven’t checked on a lot of friends that I had a preconceived notion that they are doing well no matter what is going on. Recently, I have had the reality check that even the strongest of us have problems that can not be handled alone. I urge you to not have that same notion of your strongest minded friends. Often, we help the weak ones but do not consider the isolation that the strongest of us face, please consider these friends of yours today… we ALL need love even if it’s just a hit on the arm or a hug. Even the tough ones! Have a GREAT day and an awesome weekend! CHEERS to you ALL!

20. Just out of neck surgery at 3:45pm. They took bone from me hip so I had a true pimp swagger when my nurse said I could walk around with my I.V, pole and robe draped over my back.
So I cruised by the nurses station really hamming the strut and said pardon me but do ya’ll know the way out?
10 nurses worth of explosive laughter followed!
Great night all things considered

19. There is so much more to life than the feeling that you have to intimidate or cause fear to gain respect. By all means… Take NO stuff off NO ONE!
But have the courage to be nice, gentle, and kind until you are put into the position where you must ruin a day. Many times, putting aside the fear of no respect is the toughest thing that the toughest people in the world face. Know that you are a lion among people and show that you have no worry or fear…. Be kind and gentle with everyone! Life has more to give…allow yourself to experience it.

18. People underestimate the power of the mind every day. Our fears, hopes, dreams, short comings, reactions to those shortcomings, how it feels when we receive something we need desperately, how it feels to give beyond any ability to pay back…. ALL OF THESE FEELINGS COME INTO PLAY.
If we are surrounded by toxic people…. Our brains WILL respond to that and we become toxic in ways ourselves. If we believe something will kill us on a subconscious level it WILL happen.
Yet, If WE HAVE THE BELIEF THAT WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO SUCCEED it will happen.

17. Let us free our minds from all the fears, negative bullshit, people who influence us in negative ways, evaluate ourselves, and find one goal each day and accomplish it… That feeling will become infectious and life will be completely our own!
I have my goal today already set in my mind and it is going down today! BET THAT! And if I finish before noon I am not going to waste the rest of the day either! HERE I GO! Who is with me today? Let’s make it a real good day.. Remember even a small goal is in a positive, productive, direction

16. Attitude is everything, perception is the Key that unlocks it, and perspective depends on the attitude you take… Never let life make your decisions for you!

15.  Never worry what others think just be like Plato… Say your piece and let others sort it out. 1000′s of years later people are still trying to figure out what he said but they ALL agree that he was one smart SOB!

14. I lost a Chinese star when I was 10 years old. I came home from the Tulsa State Fair and threw it 1 time and could not find it. I was hoppin’ mad! We moved all over the country and I wound up buying the house right next door to my old house 23 years later. After finding out my old house was going to be demolished, I went back to the shed where I used to throw stars to see if there was still holes after all that time and to my surprise there were! And as I kept looking, I saw two little shiny points sticking out..I FOUND MY STAR! After all these years! Sometimes the coolest things come to us so UNEXPECTEDLY!

13. With all the things going on… The spreading of love and a little cheer is sure a wonderful thing to hear. HUGS TO YOU ALL!

12. Just because other people can’t use good judgement doesn’t mean someone should stop using theirs.

11. The crazy things that family do that drive a person totally over the brink of insanity… You’d be surprised what you might give for one more day of their craziness once they pass and how little you’ll think so while it’s happening when you read this.

10.  Good times only today! Cat fights, kissin’ cousin’s, and general dysfunction NOT ALLOWED!
Ah! Who am I kiddin’ that’s how we all GET ALONG and would not even be talkin’ if we weren’t. HUGS and Much LOVE to all!

9. The evil I’ve witnessed recently is enough to make even the strongest stomachs sick …but the hope I’ve been given, by the kindness shared, from so many places that  don’t owe me even the time of day… Words cannot express the deep gratitude I feel for helping me overcome things through the love I am being given… My sincerest thank you

8. It seldom ever comes down to what you know, what you feel, or anyone’s opinion…
It is always in the action that things are decided.~ Me

7. Today, I just want to say thank you to all of the horrible people I’ve ever come to know because without you I may never have come to fully appreciate just how bad life can be… You suck but hey! You make me feel better about how I’m doin’ so that’s a win in my book! Cheers to you!

6. My dad had a strange request out of the blue yesterday, He knew I had a talent for finding people so he asked me to find one of his best friends that he had not seen in a while because he moved. I had the unfortunate task of telling him that he passed away 2 years ago and that his wife passed 2 months after he did. There was a choke in his voice but he just said “Thank you bud for the news” and hung up.
The lesson here is simple…. If there is someone you care about don’t wait to find them because it might become too late in your case too!

5. Yesterday afternoon, I came home after no sleep since the day before. As I laid down, Beethoven started playing from another room. At first I was annoyed that someone turned on music but it started helping me unwind and then it stops about 3/4 through the song and starts again from the beginning. I was thinking  it was a bad recording…. A misplaced note… It stops! Then starts at the beginning! And it hit me like a ton of bricks… SERENA’S PLAYING THAT!! (my 14 year old daughter)
Sometimes the best surprises happen when you get to accidentally discover your kid doing something amazing on their own. Such coolness!

4. Things happen for a reason:
I was moving our during my divorce last year and had put nearly everything I owned away because I was going to be driving over the road and wanted to know my things were safe while I was driving… Except for some strange reason I took my sparing gloves out of my gym bag and put them in the tool box of my truck. For 3 months they were in my way but uncharacteristically I kept leaving them in that tool box.
One night, I turned in early and woke up extremely restless and needing to just go…. Go any where! I wound up at a little bar I used to go to as a kid (when it was a game room).
Walking up to the door I saw a rag-tag group of kids and brushed the thought of them by that door aside. thinking they’re selling school crap.
Yet, when I left at 1:30am after several Cokes and rounds of pool they were still out there!
I asked the only adult there why and he said they just opened a kick boxing center for under privileged kids and need to buy gear and gas for tournaments. THE LIGHT CAME ON! I walked out to the truck and brought those gloves back. They had a look of shock… And admittedly so was I a bit. It felt really good to help out some kids that were growing up in that rough little area because I grew up there too, knew how they felt, and knew those gloves went to exactly the right place. Things happen for a reason

3.  One of the best things to know was what my dad told me long ago.
“I’m on your side whether your right or wrong.”

2. With so many lies in this world today, the only way to not be considered soulless and insignificant, in my opinion, is honesty and truth. No matter how ugly it is it still wins the beauty pageant hands down. Most people don’t get this and it is really a great and endearing quality to have because, while a lot of the ugly does come out and we have to face it, so does the absolutely extraordinary things that are unique to us all… And the only way to learn what is really extraordinary about each other is honesty.

1. Sometimes its hard to be who you are especially when the reality is you could have been so much more… but if you can just accept, love, and appreciative who you are now others will too… And the those who don’t won’t matter any more.
Give yourself some love today…

Beneath a Lover’s Moon

March 10, 2014

Beneath a lovers moon,Beneath a Lover's Moon

Your eyes tell me the story of your soul.

Approaching me in ethereal light,

you charge me with your wondrous glow.

Softly, you come ever more near… first one step,

then two,

swaying with each step of your bare feet on sand.

Ever closer I take your hand…

Two silhouettes embrace as you are romanced

like a song or tune to the beat of your heart,

played by breath on your skin.

With moments that make that ticker flutter,

and even stop, as your body shudders

…at the feelings left by the tremble of your legs, and sweat’s shiver

as the breeze comes off of the water touching us both,

…wrapped in the nights embrace because we’re dancing in a tangle,

the feeling happens and it is in that moment,

it is realized that this moment will never come again

nor has it ever been before

…even beneath a Lover’s Moon.

Sandpiles

February 21, 2014

When life was simple,

Sandraandhergrandpa We used to play.

Ornery was she all the long summer days.

I’d do anything just to see her dimples

and she would just laugh and run off to fish…

she grew up too thin and way too fast

Oh how I wish those days had not come to pass

Oh how much and desperately I wish…

That sandy-haired Angel would have lived in bliss…

Sandpiles! I used to taunt her… calling her in fun.

Seeing all those curly lock’s bouncing in the sun.

Oh what I would do for just one more kiss.

or an “I love you” ringing in my ear…

Yet she must know in her heart I am always near.

It is the things like holding her that I miss…

though it may seem like thousands of miles….

I hope that she can hear on the wind when I call out… Sandpiles!!!

Girl Crazy

February 9, 2014

Did you ever see such a beautiful thing?

Vanessa Swainston Photography by: Lee Baxley

Vanessa Swainston
Photography by:
Lee Baxley

Those lips as soft and moist as the kiss

that castes the spell on one’s soul

igniting the wonder that blossoms into lust

so powerful that there is no turning away.

As her pupils widen and welcome…

their presence grows an addiction

that brings nothing but the thought of her.

The curves and feverish warmth radiating from every fuzzy hair

lends to the mystery of all the wonders she may possess.

The length of that neck, to the smell of her hair, down to each anticipated curve.

Her solid press and feel of breathe upon the face is living proof that she is a gift from God borrowed from Heaven

Thank you Vanessa!

Vanessa Swainston
Casual look
Thank you Vanessa!

and lent to the arms of her holder.

Her hands send electricity through whatever they touch.

It is a physiological miracle that these things happen all at once

stirring one’s mind and capturing the possibility of oneness with such a creature.

It is another miracle that such a creature desires the same of you or me.

Perhaps that is why I am girl crazy.

:

Vanessa Swainston

Available for booking shoots, commercial ads, TV, and promotional work. Visit:

http://vanessaswainston.webs.com/

https://www.tacgirls.com/

When Tomorrow is an Eternity Away

February 7, 2014

When the tick of the clock doesn’t match the timewinter_daybreak_hokkaido_japan

of one’s heart beat …

every second seems like an eternity.

The world spins slow.

Life goes by and it is not as sweet…

because it is not in it’s proper time.

Who cares if the birds are singing and the air smells fresh…

if there is any chance that the next day will be shared…

with someone who has the ability to lighten one’s heart by mere presence?

Life always seems to go so slow in sad or lonely times…

and so fast when love and laughter is near.

Ironically, the waiting is what makes the good times

seem so sweet.

Doesn’t a meal taste better when seasoned with hunger?

I believe that the more bad things that happen in our lives,

the better the good one’s are going to be

…simply because they will be absorbed completely and appreciated more

… so if tomorrow is an eternity away, there sure is a lot of time…

to imagine just how good it will be when it gets here and when it does…

Take it in.

appreciate every second spent on the journey

… because those are the little bits of time

that made those good things seem just that much better.

Peace be with you.

Choices

February 6, 2014

(A look at a bad day in retrospect…Choices

We all decide how we react to and feel about the things and people around  us. Choose wisely!)

Choices:

It’s late tonight, as I go over the day…

I think of all the things I coulda, shoulda, woulda, but actually did say.

Like that moment I was mad over things that I could not control…

and my decisions were not okay.

Later there was that moment I had no confidence, put on an act, and acted like a fool

I shoulda gave you love in a moment like that…

but I let you walk away.

I let the negative in

…and it sent my life into a spin.

Now my life is a mess.

It woulda been so much better if the boss had not walked in…

I might still have a job if I hadn’t said all those things

…I “JUST HAD TO” say.

Instead I made choices,

bad ones at that…

even silence might not have been a note so flat.

Now I AM where I’m at…

with more things to choose

…and tomorrow IS a new day.

But if I’m honest with myself did I not already have…

choices?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 10,452 other followers

%d bloggers like this: